You can make your soul happy: my story

Just a few weeks ago, I was too heartbroken to function as a human. I wasn’t able to eat, sleep, work, socialise, or even wash myself properly (ew, I know). I was having daily breakdowns and panic attacks. I felt totally lost, broken and empty. My life didn’t feel like mine anymore and I stopped caring about anything. I felt like I was living in hell, like there was no end to the pain, like I would actually die. I didn’t even recognise the person in the mirror.

I looked and felt like my soul had been destroyed. 

I became obsessive and desperate. I threw away all of my dignity and self-respect and I didn’t even care. It didn’t matter that he had walked away from me, that I had been unhappy for a long time, that I was making myself ill from the stress of trying to hold the relationship together. I HAD to get him back. It was the only way that I thought I could fix it and stop the pain. I believed that I would never experience joy or happiness again.

But slowly, I started believing.

It’s been five months now and I am SO pleased to be able to say that I am healing. In the last few weeks, I have felt genuinely happy and peaceful. I’ve even been looking back on the relationship in a positive way - laughing at the funny memories, smiling at the good ones and crying at the bad ones. But I’m not sad. I’m grateful. I had lost myself, but I’m finding my way back, and this version of me is most definitely an improvement. I’ve learnt that only I have the ability to give myself what I need. And I’ve proved to myself that I can. It’s truly been the scariest, hardest and most painful thing I’ve ever had to do, and I’m still processing, grieving, growing and learning. But at least I’m moving. 

I started this blog because I want those of you who are going through the seemingly endless pain of heartbreak to know that there is hope. I want to help you to see that you CAN make your soul happy again, just like I am.

Wishing you all so much peace x 

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